While we adjust to a new city and a new culture, as we seek to discern the details of our mission here, we pray. I have been praying for friendships and for understanding. What is our role with the local church? Where should we be placing our attention? To tell you the truth, I have been trying to figure it all out – you know, leaning on my own understanding… Well about a week ago I ran across this prayer and began to incorporate it into my conversations with God. I admit too, that I have also been wrestling with my synicism and doubts, with my disbelief and defeatism.
Today I am starting to see that if I just give up, trust Him to put all things together, He will. Imagine that.
May God bless you
with a restless discomfort
about easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships,
so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart.May god bless you
with holy anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people,
so that you may tirelessly work for justice, freedom and peace among all people.May God bless you
with the gift of tears to shed with those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, or the loss of all that they cherish,
so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy.May God bless you
with enough foolishness to believe that you really can make a difference in this world,
so that you are able, with God’s grace, to do what others claim cannot be done.//St. Francis of Assisi
Gene and I were talking about the past 20 years of our journey. We have come full circle in some matters, we are so far away from where we started in many other ways. On some matters we are just beginning to see there is something there to explore. I think our conclusion was that while we have traveled far, we still have far to go. We could pray this prayer, along with my other frequent conversation starters, “Help!” “Show me Mercy!”, and “Please, tell me you love me.”…for the rest of my life and still be relatively clueless. If I should vote or not should be the least of my concerns.
Thank you for posting this, it touched me. It is outside my paradigm but one I long for to be true to think/believe that God could be the one giving discomfort in matters of spirituality, easy answers and superficial relationships. It is counter everything I was raised on as being Christianity. I have somewhat come to believe that I have “lost my faith” .(even though no matter how hard I try to write this without using christian speak, I can’t – it took me 5 tries to come up with paradigm versus a spiritual word and I couldn’t find something for the touched me part that wasn’t christian-y) It is not that I am trying to lose my faith or thinking I am cool to not use christian speak its that I am trying to understand how I got here and what seems like real truth that hasn’t been ’spun’ by christian catch phrases..so back to my point. I haven’t said this out loud to anyone until I write it here for all interneternity that I feel I have like I am not a christian. And I am not meaning that I am going to spin it in such a way that says I am a new kind of or reformed or Jesus lover versus thing. but it really scares me to think that maybe I am not and again is really outside of my scope of vision – like not being an American or not being alive, I can’t really grasp it because it is so much of who I am. How do you stop being you? but maybe I haven’t, maybe it is God taking me through a dark point to bring new life (I am going to stop trying to write christian because its too hard). Maybe? Which brings a whole new set of questions for me, like do I just want it to be true? Do I want it to be true? A lot of it just seems weird when you start to think of it not in an easy answer format. Like, how did women give birth without pain – or how would that have happened if Eve hadn’t given birth prior to eating the apple? Or how are we not all genetically messed up if Noah’s family was the only family spared and so we are all first cousins – we see what happens in communities like the Amish etc. when they do that. those are not I am sure the best examples, nor am I combing the Bible looking for weird things that don’t add up – I’ve read letters from a skeptic, the case for christianity, etc. Its just when you finally admit to yourself that maybe you’re not, you get the chance to start looking at the things you were just told to memorize and believe and they start to look weird – and made up. I will probably get you in trouble for posting this but that’s your penance for even considering to vote (by not voting) for Mcbush and Ms. I can see Russia from my house. I have been interacting through Facebook with many of the people from the Christian campus group I was involved in. It makes me think back to who I was then and though we never voted, I am pretty sure I would have been voted most likely to NOT lose my faith. I guess those things never really work out,huh.
What a great and insightful post. I love the quote by St. Francis.
Ditto, that is great quote.